The Urge Between Light and Darkness

Sorry guys... for such a long time no post le.

A lot really happened. I'm too tired to repeat stories I guess, just gonna say what happen this week ba...

During Tuesday, I quarreled with my mom, I seriously didn't know what happened, I was just doing my homework and suddenly she went all naggy and all, fine... Then later she ask me if I saw her keys I replied, "I don't know" and carry on doing on my maths tutorial. And she bombed! She seriously bombed! She yelled at me then she went out...

The rest of the day I felt so angry... I felt my hatred and anger all flood into me... I felt soooo depressed all of the sudden. All my mind become thoughts of just. "KILL HER!" "I WILL BE MUCH BETTER IF YOU JUST BARE ALL THE HATRED AND ANGER AND KILL"

I felt so confused... I even remember of having thoughts of giving up my Christian Life (which I didn't by the way)... I was like... "TO HELL WITH IT! GO TO HELL THEN GO TO HELL LA"...

I just sooo couldn't control myself that night... Really wanna talk... but yet, when I on my MSN, I tried to blurt out something... but everyone just shunned me away with a "busy" sign or a really really slow reply hinting me their aura of "I am busy, don't disturb me"... So I went to sleep really soon after that.

Wednesday. The whole morning till like 5pm its pretty okay(was in chuch from 1-5 btw), though still angry...

During around 5.45, kenneth came to church, and I told him that I quarreled with my mom, I asked him about how do you dishonour your parents, everything was okay untill I ask him my last question.

"How should I start a conversation with my mom, you know... to break the tension." I asked.

He replied me, "Simple, apologise to her." My whole mood changed... my tears urging to flow out all of the sudden. I was seriously unwilling to forgive and let go, I was seriously unwilling to be the one to put down my pride and injustice... I cried that whole evening and night. Just keep crying and crying... Calling people to talk and all that night, kept crying non stop...

I know I have to do it and I did, that very night I apologised. But it felt so bad and nasty I suppose. Even till morning, I felt so bitter so during LRT I weeped and just lift all my bitterness and worries to God.

But now my emotions is really unstable guys... if you see me all of the sudden wanna talk with you guys and perhaps even emo with you guys... please forgive me... I just find it hard to control my tears this few days... sorry man...