Constant Fear, Emotions, My only will to live on now

These few days hasn't been a really well I should say.

Struggling to keep my emotions in control. I seem to keep having the urge to cry from time to time. I suppose because Christianity is now my only reason to live on now. That's why I am constantly having fears and feelings of uncertainty all the time.

I'm scared and have been questioning about what if everything isn't going to happened... Stuff like that... I told God about this issue too... But yet, I still constantly have fear. Each time I have the urge to cry, I always tell God, "God you are my only reason to go on now"

I know I really must not let my emotions to distract me.

Lets just say this is the summery of my current situation I am in now,

1. Christianity is my only reason to live now.

2. Without out God, I will really commit suicide now, no joke.

3. My current life, with my family, in school is diminishing my faith in God.

4. Thus, I am now having doubts and fear about God not being real.

5. But, I really do know he exist and he is really there for me.

6. I'm now having this push carry on this race.

7. I'm really really tired.

Trust me... I really know God exist, else I won't be here now.

Just... struggling to keep this faith. I need to stay strong. I need affirmation. I know God is going to do something Good soon. I'm just tired now I suppose.